A New Start

I blogged once upon a time before I had kids.... not sure how long this will last, but we'll give it a try.

I've come to realize that I don't get enough adult interacts some weeks. Spending my entire day with a 2 year old and a 8 month old and hardly ever leaving the house is driving me crazy! More then once I've wanted to throw in the towel on being a stay at home mom. That said: yes I want visitors, yes I want to visit you.... Poor Ben comes home and I like a caged puppy just can't let him have quite relaxing time to explore his interest or even do his chores. The Bible study was helpful the past few months, but it's over and I once again stay home 5 days a week. I have to fight to go out on the weekends because Ben just wants to stay home for a while.

Recent hardships:

Potty training especially put on the pressure... I've always been good at teaching, I've never struggled in school... yet somehow I feel like a failure at potty training. I've taught basic math to math haters. As early as 5th grade I was helping teach reading to peers. My peers with similar aged kids that, have a toddler who can stay dry on a consistent basis and who poops in the potty at least sometimes.... Naomi is stubborn, won't pee without rewards and has never pooped in the potty. How can I fail to teach what has been said to be the first skill. The first thing that she wouldn't naturally learn and I can't seem to get it. I know she has the ability, she's proven it.

Am I doing something wrong?

Most days I don't manage to think about the outside world. It's like the 'Cedarville Bubble' (ignorance of the world around), but smaller.... It's the kid bubble. Naomi is smart, but she doesn't help me zoom out to see a bigger picture. I know teaching my kids is that best thing I can do, but it's hard! It's hard for an extravert like me to be caged and always restricted. I was once known for my spontaneity, now I use Google calendar to plan my lunch, my grocery trips, my exercise... I normally even enter 'spontaneous' events in the calendar before I do them.

I don't mean to sound all negative. Some of the changes are good. I appreciate routine now. The kids are so much happier on a schedule and are pleasant to be around. I wouldn't trade that for freedom. I love Naomi she is such a joy and so cute. She comes up with the craziest things... from returning her 'movies' (cards) to her 'redbox' (cabinet) to strumming her 'guitar' (racquetball racquet) while singing about the spider who gets washed out even when the sun comes back out. Josiah is the most pleasant baby I've ever seen. He's so laid back, he does now yell when Naomi takes his toys though.

I love being a mom and know this is what God has called me to. That doesn't make it easy though. I'd feel like I was better at my job doing research or teaching math.