Sometimes I just really hate living in a fallen broken world. There are sickness neglect and so many hurtful things happening. I'd be hopeless and in despair if I didn't know the future. My hope is in the future.
My dad at 53 had a massive heart attach and his ejection fraction is at 20%. I fight worry every time I think about him. I do have hope and assurance. I know my dad is a believer and if anything has assured me of that it has been the past 6 months and his reaction to this whole situation. He constantly challenges my faith and how much I trust God. I've seen God answer prayers prayed a long time ago. God's power amazes me! I hope I have many more years with my dad to see him grow and get to know the best parts of him. I am glad God is changing me and I like others who God is changing and perfecting.
My Uncle has stage 3 cancer. He had something like 45 lymph nodes, a vein and some muscle removed form his neck and shoulder area this week. This is his second round with cancer and I'm really praying that God would use this in my families lives and heal my uncle. My grandfather came to know Christ through a struggle with cancer and I hope good comes out of this.
I personally just have been so busy that I've not had enough time to reflect. I think Ben was right when he decided to wait until next year to pursue foster care. For those of you who do not know, we plan to start foster care next year some time and eventually (if it's God's will) we will adopt several kids.
I hate that there are kids out there who are just stuck in some system, I know I can help a few. I can't help them all, but that shouldn't stop me from helping some. I don't think I am the best parent, not by far. But I have a hope and a future and I can share that even if I mess up all the time. Sharing Christ with those who are 'without hope, dead inside' is something I am called to do.
I don't know that I ever realized I'd be a stay at home mom with a full time ministry in raising my own (and hopefully) other children. I believe childhood is the most vulnerable stage of life and that reaching out to kids is very important. I want to teach my kids and others about Christ love and power to change and save lives.
It makes me angry and sad and hurt when I see the state of this fallen world. One day it will be made new and I want to bring others with me. I am so thankful and in awe of Christ.
Sometimes I get so impatient waiting for that day, but then I remember that when it comes, it is the end-no more will be saved. I have a small understanding of why God is allowing time to keep going, but I still want to be with him. One day God will restore it all.
I'll leave you with this song:
My Lord, I did not choose You
For that could never be
My heart would still refuse You
Had You not chosen me
You took the sin that stained me
You cleansed me, made me new
Of old You have ordained me
That I should live in You
(Chorus)
Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save my life
Unless Your grace had called me
And taught my darkened mind
The world would have enthralled me
To Your glories I’d be blind
My heart knows none above You
For Your rich grace I thirst
I know that if I love You
You must have loved me first
Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name
Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save my life
© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)
