Narrative: The most frightening moment of my life (so far)

     It was Thursday morning.  Josiah had been sick for two days and I was feeling it.   I was also feeling a little nauseous and tired myself.  The kids both were extra tired and allowed us all to sleep in until 9am.  I got up, went in the kids room, and picked up my boy to wake him slowly.  Treasuring the moment as he leaned, hugged, and lay on me; he's so cuddly and sickness makes him more so.  His fever had been 102.4 on Wednesday.  Next I felt his forehead and was quite relieved, his temperature was down almost to normal.  He felt a little warm, but sleeping does that to you sometimes.
     I ate half a bagel and half regretted it because I felt bad.  I knew this would be the hardest day of caring for the kids.  I was so tired I took Josiah in my room to lay down with him and read to him.  I called Ben to tell him I wasn't feeling good and also just to have company for  a few minutes to rally my strength to get through the day...  I ask him what time he got in and reminded him that he should probably take a few hours vacation to miss the big snow.  We've decided that to come home a hour or two early beats driving an extra hour or two in traffic hands down.
     I didn't even take the kids downstairs because neither of them were very hungry.  I brought some gatorade up for Josiah and then refilled it with juice and brought Naomi some also.  I fed Naomi some cheerios I think, but didn't want to upset Josiah's stomach so I just gave him lots to drink.
     It was only 10:30 or so and I decided a bath would do me more good then laying around.  It would be relaxing and get me clean.  I put both kids in their room for play time.  Josiah didn't want to but that was to be expected since he'd been spoiled during his sickness.  I don't know how long I was in there - I really had no concept of time that day because I slept in and had no normal routine that week.  I got out of the bath and got half dressed to go to check on the kids.
     During my bath I heard them talking with each other and occasionally griping about something.  I don't know how much chatter was Naomi talking by herself so I have no idea how long it had been since I'd heard from Josiah.
    I walked by their room and saw Josiah laying on the floor.  I thought, "Poor guy he must still be feeling bad."  He looked strange, his head was turned to one side and his eyes were over that way to.  I said something like "hey buddy, you ok?" because I wanted to see his eyes move.  That's when he started shaking.  In a way the shaking was better then not moving - I would have thought he was dead if he hadn't responded.  I rushed in and scooped him up to bring him in my room.  I looked for my phone - where was it when I needed it most?  Immediately I called 911 with urgency.  I could handle a seizure if someone was on the way.  I kept thinking how long had he been laying there?

     I rushed out all the information I could on the phone... I guess I thought someone would get here quicker if I spoke quickly.

"My son is having a seizure, he's only 17 months old.
I live at 1 4 3 Center Street in Bellevue
He's shaking"
"What's your name?" she asked
"Michelle Sprague S P R A G U E, my son is Josiah J O S I A H.
His lips are purple, I think he's choking"
"Do you know CPR?" she asked
"Yes, well sort of, it's been a while
I'm going to breath for him, he's not getting good breaths"

     Then the moment... His seizure ended it once rigid body went limp and he fell over.  I was holding him and I felt his life stop.  That moment... it will never leave me.  I had been sort of calm until now.

"He stopped!
He's not breathing!
His lips are blue
Josiah!"

I breath for him a few times and watched his chest rise with my breaths.  Then I paused and waited... he breathed again.  Relief rushed over me.

"He's breathing again.  He's not moving, I think he's unconscious, but he's breathing."
"Ma'am, help is on the way, I'm going to stay on the phone with you until they arrive"
"Ok"

   I had prayed with every thought the whole time and now my mind was saying: Oh God thank you, oh God thank you!  Over and over again.  I told the operator I was going to go downstairs with him and unlock the door for whenever help arrived.  I quickly picked up the first set of real clothes I saw and changed then went down with him, Naomi trailing.  Naomi hovered over him patted his belly and said "everything is going to be ok mom" "Josiah you're ok buddy" and other comforting things.
    Some firemen arrived took his vitals, he was still dosing in and out of consciousness.  They came in, I retold what had occurred and they told me we'd be going to the hospital.  My neighbor had come in when she saw firetrucks and ambulances parked outside.  I told her Josiah had had a seizure and she offered to watch Naomi.  I had put his coat on him and had Naomi get hers on and her boots.  I wrapped Josiah in a blanket and took him into the ambulance.
     I repeated everything I could remember, probably in too much detail, to the ambulance woman, two doctors and a nurse.  I held him for hours only letting go when told to.  Ben arrived, we had a CT done and after hours of being at children's were released.

This concludes the narrative portion.

Now we have a EEG scheduled because they weren't conclusive with the type of seizure Josiah had.  We will find out Thursday if he has epilepsy or if this was a non repeating seizure.  I'll write another post of the results and upcoming changes in our lives when things are more certain and times nailed down.  Just a heads up, we'll be moving for a few weeks and hopefully not more than that.

Dress Up

          Naomi has a new love for dressing up.
          She adds hula shirts uses story time dino feet
         and just makes up her own outfits from time
         to time.

         To the right is a picture of her making up an
         outfit.  I asked her what she was pretending
         and she told me that she is mommy.  She's
         wearing my cardigan and play glasses and
         apparently the alligator is a baby.

         Below is her on halloween... ignore the free
         hotdog in her hand.

        Next we come to the week after watching Marry Poppins... She came up with the hat
        scarf and pocket book all on her own.

        All the rest of these are just random days she asked to be 'Cinderella' or a princess.  Apparently
        all you need is a dress on top of your clothes to be a princess.  And yes Ben is dancing with
        Cinderella, don't worry I wasn't jealous.  I had too much fun laughing.  They had a great time!

Running, Weight Loss, and Health

So I've been loosing weight.  I've gone down 3 sizes over the past year.  I had 'baby weight' and inactivity weight that I had gained since high school.  At the most (fully pregnant) I was 60 pounds up from what I should be.  After I gave birth I was pretty quickly down to only 40 pounds overweight, the rest I had to work off (aided by nursing for 10+ months).

This past week I hit my healthy weight again.  That means over the last year I've lost 40 or more pounds.  People say 'I can't loose weight' or 'everything I try doesn't work'.  To that I say: you haven't tried the most simple and inevitable approach.  Calorie counting (accurately with measuring tools if necessary), exercise, and self-restraint.  YES it's hard, but it DOES work.

It might take a year or more, but the benefits are unbelievable!  I feel great.  I don't get tired doing daily activities.  I can chase my little (nearly) 3 year old until she can't run anymore.  I can run 5 miles!  and I fit into all those clothes I held onto for years hoping I could use them again.

I started running September last year.  I couldn't manage a mile then, but I've stuck with exercise and running and now I can run 5 miles.  I run 5 miles an hour, which isn't particularly fast.  My goal has been to be healthy and not waste money getting there.  That is how I decided to run, it's nearly free.  This Saturday I am running 6 miles.  I am training for a 10k (6.2 miles) on Thanksgiving.  I am excited to have a race to conclude my training.  I will continue to exercise after the race, but might not run more than once or twice every week or two.

I am not comfortable sharing my weight on here because most women aren't 6'2 and muscular like I am.  I had a body composition scan about 2 years ago and calculated what my weight should be by that.  I am at that weight and plan to loose 5-10 pounds more so that my weight can fluctuate and still stay in the healthy range.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and stare.  I can't believe I've finally done it.  Is it really me that looks like that?  I've seen changes while I've been working towards this and been encouraged by others.  I just want to say thank you to everyone who has encouraged me and noticed.  I have struggled with pride in this new look, so don't overdo it, but I am thankful for the notice and encouragement.  (Special thanks to  Becky D, Jen R, Betsy H, and Cori H who have been encouraging my running and noticing change regularly which has been a great help)

I did this to honor God with my body.  He gave me this body and I certainly should take care of it.  God designed me to look this way and even thought I've struggled in the past with my largeness I now realize that I am a healthy large woman.  I am part of the variety that God created and I am beautiful to God, my husband and myself.  It is so freeing not worrying about how my clothes fit me.  I don't have to change 10 times before leaving the house.  I am very thankful I've learn what healthiness should look and feel like and plan to stay healthy from now on.

I'm 24, I need to enjoy this body while it works as it should and bring God glory in doing so.

Thank you God for the way you designed my body and helping me to restore it to health.

Tough days

Today I woke up to 2 soiled kids.  Although with Naomi the potty training is pretty much complete she has accidents at bedtime and nap time.  Next I clean the kitchen while give the kids a rare treat to a veggie tales movie from the library... next Naomi comes in and says she has fuzz stuck to her hands.  I look and her fingers have clear polish on them and the living room has a strong odor of fingernail polish.  She reached up on one of the 'off limit' surfaces and grabbed the nail polish and decided she could do it without asking and by herself.  I think most of is on her nails, but she defiantly slung it around or something.    It's clear so it's been hard to find, but so far a beanbag chair the computer desk and yes the computer screen all have nail polish on them.  I might have gotten a tab bit more upset about it then I should, but I realized I was letting my emotions and feelings govern my parenting to much and just fed her lunch and sent her to bed.  I was so upset at the deliberate disobedience that I just needed to confine her away from me.  So nap time began more than an hour early with no toys or books.

Now to finish cleaning the kitchen and try to clean this mess up.  I might just let Ben clean the computer screen or decide to leave it how it is.  But first I'm going to go read my Bible and get my head back on the right way.

Fallen broken world. Hope?

Sometimes I just really hate living in a fallen broken world.  There are sickness neglect and so many hurtful things happening.  I'd be hopeless and in despair if I didn't know the future.  My hope is in the future.

My dad at 53 had a massive heart attach and his ejection fraction is at 20%.  I fight worry every time I think about him.  I do have hope and assurance.  I know my dad is a believer and if anything has assured me of that it has been the past 6 months and his reaction to this whole situation.  He constantly challenges my faith and how much I trust God.  I've seen God answer prayers prayed a long time ago.  God's power amazes me!  I hope I have many more years with my dad to see him grow and get to know the best parts of him.  I am glad God is changing me and I like others who God is changing and perfecting.

My Uncle has stage 3 cancer.  He had something like 45 lymph nodes, a vein and some muscle removed form his neck and shoulder area this week.  This is his second round with cancer and I'm really praying that God would use this in my families lives and heal my uncle.  My grandfather came to know Christ through a struggle with cancer and I hope good comes out of this.

I personally just have been so busy that I've not had enough time to reflect.  I think Ben was right when he decided to wait until next year to pursue foster care.  For those of you who do not know, we plan to start foster care next year some time and eventually (if it's God's will) we will adopt several kids.

I hate that there are kids out there who are just stuck in some system, I know I can help a few.  I can't help them all, but that shouldn't stop me from helping some.  I don't think I am the best parent, not by far.  But I have a hope and a future and I can share that even if I mess up all the time.  Sharing Christ with those who are 'without hope, dead inside' is something I am called to do.

I don't know that I ever realized I'd be a stay at home mom with a full time ministry in raising my own (and hopefully) other children.  I believe childhood is the most vulnerable stage of life and that reaching out to kids is very important.  I want to teach my kids and others about Christ love and power to change and save lives.

It makes me angry and sad and hurt when I see the state of this fallen world.  One day it will be made new and I want to bring others with me.  I am so thankful and in awe of Christ.

Sometimes I get so impatient waiting for that day, but then I remember that when it comes, it is the end-no more will be saved.  I have a small understanding of why God is allowing time to keep going, but I still want to be with him.  One day God will restore it all.

I'll leave you with this song:

My Lord, I did not choose You
For that could never be
My heart would still refuse You
Had You not chosen me
You took the sin that stained me
You cleansed me, made me new
Of old You have ordained me
That I should live in You

(Chorus) 
Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save my life

Unless Your grace had called me
And taught my darkened mind
The world would have enthralled me
To Your glories I’d be blind
My heart knows none above You
For Your rich grace I thirst
I know that if I love You
You must have loved me first

Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name

Jesus, You have saved me
And taken all my sin, all my sins away
Jesus, You have called me
Before the world began, to glorify Your name
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save
I was without hope and dead inside
But You chose to save my life

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

August events

Josiah's Birthday Party - Check  Had lots of friends and family come and party.  Even without Apples to Apples we had fun.  

Josiah loved eating cake and all the kids loved his new toys.  We got little people toys and trucks, more cars and trucks, some clothes including a Reds outfit and Krusling made PJs (Hooray for both!), and a puppy toy that sings and  talks.  There were more toys too, but they aren't visible in the living room at the moment so I can't recall them.  Our house is getting neat and organized... I'll be glad to have visitors now!  

 We made foam mask ,'o)

Run 5k - Check.  My time wasn't amazing, but that is what happens when you don't give it your all.  Ben ran it also but didn't train and I think that had something to do with not having a good time.  

Visit Betsy (Elizabeth) - Check!  Had a blast with her and the kids and some friends that live there in Kansas.  10 hour drives are now not so overwhelming.  Cruise control would have been nice.  I drove 10 hours west in 9 hours... maybe cruise control would have helped me not to speed so much.  

Visit my Dad - SOON!  For those of you who don't know, he had a massive heart attack this past month and I want to make sure I don't keep putting off going out to visit him.  I have just been reminded how short life can be.  

June and July

Sister Married- Check










Preperation for Castle Chase 5k - Check

Lake trip - Check
     The Lake trip was so much fun!  Actually it was too much fun because I went tubing (where a speed boat drags you behind over wake waves) one to many times.  3 or 4 consecutive days of hanging on for dear life sent my shoulder and neck muscles into some serious spasms.  After 3 days of nearly continuos pain I went to the dr and was given steroids and muscle relaxers after he determined I hadn't broken anything.   They worked great but now I'm in withdraw.  Either that or I took a little too much advantage that I was on them

Ashlyn visit - Check


Train for 5k -   Progress
     I ran at least 10 times while Ashlyn was here and she even managed half mile runs a few times and walked/ran (but mostly walked) 3 miles.

Ashlyn Birthday - Check.   

  












  We went to the zoo with the Dostals and had a blast!  We made her a cake and bought her a bible and some clothes.