Nothing is Wasted

I feel like over the past 3 weeks I've really been being taught that "Nothing is Wasted" as Jason Gray sings.  God promises his children that He works all things together for our good.  People quote this all the time, but do they believe it?  I am starting to believe it more.

I have theories about what's been going on in my body, but truthfully God is the only one who really knows what happened and why.

After a very fast birth and almost feeling up to doing things again, I began to get worse.  I started cramping more and in general feeling bad.  So 9 days after giving birth I go back to the Doctor.  1:30 Thursday afternoon; my temperature was low, my blood pressure was low 94/46 (normally 107/76).  Also when he checked the height of my uterus it was higher then it had been when I was released (24 hours after birth) from the hospital.  It was all the way back up to my belly botten.

This is where I'm going to tell you details not everyone will want to hear so feel free to skip to the next paragraph.  He then decided I needed an internal check (although I think he already knew what the outcome would be).  I was still 2 cm dilated which normally you are almost closed.  He then tried to find out why (the painful part).  He found something still stuck inside, he said it was either a clot or possibly part of the placenta.  He told me he was going to try and get it out.  He tried and couldn't.  That's when he told me I probably needed a D&C to get it out.  It's possible my body would eventually get it out on it's own, but it hadn't yet so he thought it might not.

Summary for those who skipped ahead.  I needed a D&C as soon as there was an opening at the hospital.  This is the part where I cried.  Mostly there were so many unknowns that it scared me.  Could I continue nursing?  How long would the recovery be?  Was I in danger?  I didn't manage to express these things right away, I was shocked something was actually wrong.  This is the part that took all my efforts.  Trying not to be scared or panic.  It isn't really that the procedure is very dangerous, I just didn't know enough.  Instead of looking up things online about it, which might comfort or might scare me, I just went on with life and prepared.  I can't say that I felt a lot better that day, but the next day when I had to go in for surgery I was a bit calmer.  Then I pulled out my Bible verse sheet that I had made for labor (thinking I'd need someone to recite them to me during my 'long labor').  I worked on memorizing the verse I had starred.

Isaiah 41:10

fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I memorized it before I went back into surgery and I was not afraid any more.

The procedure was short and it was 'tissue' (not a clot) stuck inside.  I remember waking up in a lot of pain, probably because my uterus was already sore from 9 days of cramping.  They gave me pain meds that made me loopy.  I remember talking with the Doctor and I remember my recover nurse, I asked her a lot of questions about the monitors.  They released me to go home around lunch time.  Then we napped for a few hours then, Ben, Nathanael and I went to bed early.  Ben was so tired, I was drugged and Nathanael was happy.

I am so thankful for the help, Meghan (my sister-in-law) watched the older kids, and Linda (my mother-in-law) watched Nathanael.  Ben took care of me and pretty much did anything I or Nathanael needed.  He stayed home from work more then we had planned, but it all worked out (now we just don't have as much vacation).

This week the kids got a stomach virus, glad my mom was here to help.  Then less then a week after surgery, I get the stomach virus.  Not fun, but I am healing from it now too.  To be honest my attitude struggled more with the virus then birth or surgery.  Sometimes the little things are harder.