Luke 7:36-50 the story of Jesus anointed by a sinful woman.
Jesus says that who much is forgiven there is much love.
7:47-Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.
Those of us who haven't had 'as much' forgiven. How can we cultivate love for Christ? When we campare ourselves to a perfect Holy God and recognize our sinful nature, then we can grow in love. Our debt is greater then we imagine. We forget how sinful we can be, we forget how unlike God we are. We think "we're good", but we aren't.
I love Jesus much, not because I sinned much, but because I have been saved from my sin! Because Christ is in me and changing me, I have been prevented from so much sin (through the conviction of the Holy Spirit). I now realize when I see others sinning that that could be ME! If I give in to sin I have the same capacity for sin that others have. My heart was/is as fallen as others, the only reason I don't sin is because Christ transforming power at work in me. His power saves me from sinning. Those that don't have Christ don't have that power, they can't stop sinning. That doesn't mean they are with excuse. Christ understands our weakness, but he did something about it by becoming a man and dying for us.
For the first time I am thankful that my sin nature was not removed from me at salvation... My sin nature shows me what I am truly like and shows me that I am no different in myself (in my power) from the rest of the world. Christ living in and through me is the difference. He is the one that raised Himself from the dead and with that power changes me and keeps me from sin (when I submit to him). The more I submit the easier it is to submit, the more I love, the easier it is to love. Praise God not letting me forget what I have been saved from! My conscience is clean and I am so thankful!
God saved me, Michelle Sprague, the wretched sinner by nature.
12.15.2011
10.10.2011
No more Monkeys jumping on the bed.
Although I am getting tired of that phrase, it seems a fitting title for this post.
Let's rewind a few days... last Thursday the kids and I were reading books in my room on my bed. Well Naomi somehow wasn't interested in reading the book I was readin to Josiah. So I heard her bouncing and flet it. I though she was being a frog (since we had a Forg and Toad book). Next thing I know I head *thump* and crying. Our kids get hurt often, but it's never been very serious so I wasn't concerned. It's amazing how resilient God made our bodies. So Naomi was really hurt this time. She landed on her shoulder. I decided a good nap without moving might cure the hurt, so I tuck her in laying flat and she is out in just a few minutes. After nap she still hurt, but we made her go along with out plans. Then Friday she was still screaming in pain and crying at certain movements. So... Mama called the doctor and the doctor said... bring her in.
After 1 pediatrician, different office for x-rays waiting to hear about the x-rays... To make a long story short she broke /fractured her collar bone. I though maybe dislocated shoulder, but didn't think anything was cracked or broken. Well 5 hours driving to and fro and talking with different nurses doctors (which all had the same remark about the monkey) all she has is a sling. She'll heal on her own and after a few days won't even hurt anymore.
She is going to wear the sling. At this point the sling is more for me then her. She remembers which movements hurt, but I forget. Tonight I let her take it off then went to pick her up to put her in a cart at Target... I made her cry. So even though the sling in no longer necessary, until I can pick her up under her arm pits without making her cry a sling will be worn.
She looks so fragile in her sling, but is already wanting to run at full speed and play roughly.
For those at Grace:
Don't worry, I'm not.
Let's rewind a few days... last Thursday the kids and I were reading books in my room on my bed. Well Naomi somehow wasn't interested in reading the book I was readin to Josiah. So I heard her bouncing and flet it. I though she was being a frog (since we had a Forg and Toad book). Next thing I know I head *thump* and crying. Our kids get hurt often, but it's never been very serious so I wasn't concerned. It's amazing how resilient God made our bodies. So Naomi was really hurt this time. She landed on her shoulder. I decided a good nap without moving might cure the hurt, so I tuck her in laying flat and she is out in just a few minutes. After nap she still hurt, but we made her go along with out plans. Then Friday she was still screaming in pain and crying at certain movements. So... Mama called the doctor and the doctor said... bring her in.
After 1 pediatrician, different office for x-rays waiting to hear about the x-rays... To make a long story short she broke /fractured her collar bone. I though maybe dislocated shoulder, but didn't think anything was cracked or broken. Well 5 hours driving to and fro and talking with different nurses doctors (which all had the same remark about the monkey) all she has is a sling. She'll heal on her own and after a few days won't even hurt anymore.
She is going to wear the sling. At this point the sling is more for me then her. She remembers which movements hurt, but I forget. Tonight I let her take it off then went to pick her up to put her in a cart at Target... I made her cry. So even though the sling in no longer necessary, until I can pick her up under her arm pits without making her cry a sling will be worn.
She looks so fragile in her sling, but is already wanting to run at full speed and play roughly.
For those at Grace:
Don't worry, I'm not.
8.22.2011
Naomi and Josiah
Recently I've really gotten to see their personalities emerge.
Naomi is such a talker/communicator. She LOVES learning... she reads some words and has some books memorized. She loves letters, numbers, carrying things in bags, pretending to be a mom, pretending to be a princess, etc. Recently she has started to ask about everything... While reading books she'll stop to ask what something is: what is a cliff? why are there hearts? what does that mean? So inquisitive! I love my little learner and am excited to do more formal pre-schooling this year.
Josiah is just bursting with cuteness and he is much more imaginative then Naomi was at 2 (24 months) . Driving his little steering wheel around. He'll often join in on Naomi's pretend games and rescue her, slaying dragons or bad-guys. He loves puzzles and seeing how things work. So mathy and a puzzle lover like me. He looks at things a lot, has great patiences for repeating experiments. Opening chairs and looking underneath. Spinning wheels on his cars and tractors. Most things he does at full speed. He is just two and runs to do everything unless some little something catches his eye on the way. He has focus like Ben, I've noticed that from early on. He can sit (when HE is interested) and do something for an hour. But his attention span only stays as long as he chooses. I can't contain his energy for long when he isn't focused.
I love them both so much! Teaching them and training them is a challenge at times but is so filled with joy!
Naomi is such a talker/communicator. She LOVES learning... she reads some words and has some books memorized. She loves letters, numbers, carrying things in bags, pretending to be a mom, pretending to be a princess, etc. Recently she has started to ask about everything... While reading books she'll stop to ask what something is: what is a cliff? why are there hearts? what does that mean? So inquisitive! I love my little learner and am excited to do more formal pre-schooling this year.
Josiah is just bursting with cuteness and he is much more imaginative then Naomi was at 2 (24 months) . Driving his little steering wheel around. He'll often join in on Naomi's pretend games and rescue her, slaying dragons or bad-guys. He loves puzzles and seeing how things work. So mathy and a puzzle lover like me. He looks at things a lot, has great patiences for repeating experiments. Opening chairs and looking underneath. Spinning wheels on his cars and tractors. Most things he does at full speed. He is just two and runs to do everything unless some little something catches his eye on the way. He has focus like Ben, I've noticed that from early on. He can sit (when HE is interested) and do something for an hour. But his attention span only stays as long as he chooses. I can't contain his energy for long when he isn't focused.
I love them both so much! Teaching them and training them is a challenge at times but is so filled with joy!
7.14.2011
Chiropractor, Migraines, and Liver Cleanse
So I've been going to the Chiropractor for several months now. It's amazing how much better I feel. A few months ago I had 2 migraines back to back... I went to the Dr. and he said I should record more data. I prayed that God would take these headaches away. I started having them in my teens, 10 years of migraines that might have been prevented...
I week later I was walking in the Knoxville mall and some lady said I could have a free massage and even bring my kids. I was looking for something to do so I signed up. I went had my free massage and even got some free x-rays. I knew they would find 'something' otherwise they wouldn't offer 'free' stuff. Well after realizing that not taking care of my spine after my daring childhood and teens (including breaking things) was not so good. He guessed that ALL or MOST of my headaches were caused by a misalignment of my neck. My neck had a reverse curve. So back here in KY I found a chiropractor. I haven't had a migraine since (almost 3 months so far) and haven't even had an average of 1 headache a week.
So I trust my chiropractor more then my doctor because he has fixed something that dozens of doctors and a few hospitals missed. I took a class one evening at Dr. Hay's (my Chiropractor). He talked about liver cleanses. One of the side effects are weight loss, but the main goal is to clean your body of toxins. I went with this fancy expensive name brand, but I am convinced that now that I know the process I can duplicate it. Water and lots of it does most of the work. I've been drinking more than is required but ranging from 100 to 160 ounces a day. I actually feel thirsty every few hours now.
Now for the liver Cleanse results: I lost 10 pounds and didn't even gain any back during my week long vacation and not0quite-so-healthy eating. I'd say that is real weight loss. I added up all the calories and should have lost 4 pounds by simply eating less calories. This means that I loss a bonus 6 pounds that were probably fat stored in my body containing toxins. I have more energy and run faster too.
If you want to do a cleanse I recommend going to ebay and buying poor man's cleanse. You buy instructions on how to buy your own equipment for a cleanse. But if you have more money then time do a Isagenix Cleanse. That is the one I did, but in the future I'll be doing the poor man's version.
I week later I was walking in the Knoxville mall and some lady said I could have a free massage and even bring my kids. I was looking for something to do so I signed up. I went had my free massage and even got some free x-rays. I knew they would find 'something' otherwise they wouldn't offer 'free' stuff. Well after realizing that not taking care of my spine after my daring childhood and teens (including breaking things) was not so good. He guessed that ALL or MOST of my headaches were caused by a misalignment of my neck. My neck had a reverse curve. So back here in KY I found a chiropractor. I haven't had a migraine since (almost 3 months so far) and haven't even had an average of 1 headache a week.
So I trust my chiropractor more then my doctor because he has fixed something that dozens of doctors and a few hospitals missed. I took a class one evening at Dr. Hay's (my Chiropractor). He talked about liver cleanses. One of the side effects are weight loss, but the main goal is to clean your body of toxins. I went with this fancy expensive name brand, but I am convinced that now that I know the process I can duplicate it. Water and lots of it does most of the work. I've been drinking more than is required but ranging from 100 to 160 ounces a day. I actually feel thirsty every few hours now.
Now for the liver Cleanse results: I lost 10 pounds and didn't even gain any back during my week long vacation and not0quite-so-healthy eating. I'd say that is real weight loss. I added up all the calories and should have lost 4 pounds by simply eating less calories. This means that I loss a bonus 6 pounds that were probably fat stored in my body containing toxins. I have more energy and run faster too.
If you want to do a cleanse I recommend going to ebay and buying poor man's cleanse. You buy instructions on how to buy your own equipment for a cleanse. But if you have more money then time do a Isagenix Cleanse. That is the one I did, but in the future I'll be doing the poor man's version.
5.02.2011
Home and home.
I started this post back in March after our month in Tennessee, now it's finished.
Temporary living is hard, but has given us some insights to this other temporary living. For those who don't instantly know what I mean I'll elaborate.
Heaven. This is not our home. God created us to be with Him in heaven. Before I go and paint this beautiful picture of Heaven, my home, I want to say Heaven isn't everyone's home (more on that later).
I've longed for heaven most of my life. It'd be so plesent to not have to fight the curse anymore. No more pain or sorrow.... So many of the feelings and longings I flet while in Tennessee for a month have reminded me of the temperary nature of our lives here. Knoxville was fun at times and hard at times. This life on earth is that way. We have taste of good and evil. And one day we will be permanantly placed in a home of either good (with God) or evil (without God).
God made a beautiful perfect creation. He made it for His own glory and enjoyment. Then something we call sin entered the world. Sin and God cannot be completly togather so he cast out the sinners from their perfect home. Since 'the fall' the Earth has been cursed, desise, cancer, earthquakes are all a result of that curse. Pain in childbirth, desires to rule, and desires to be lazy are all part of that curse. I can't wait til I am freed, completely and eternally, from the curse. God gives me power to fight the curse and every time I do something right it's because God has freed me from sin and the Holy Spirit is aiding me to do right. Nothing I do in my own strength is right, it's all Christ in me and His power that allow me to do right.
Coming soon, Pride and God's goodness.
Temporary living is hard, but has given us some insights to this other temporary living. For those who don't instantly know what I mean I'll elaborate.
Heaven. This is not our home. God created us to be with Him in heaven. Before I go and paint this beautiful picture of Heaven, my home, I want to say Heaven isn't everyone's home (more on that later).
I've longed for heaven most of my life. It'd be so plesent to not have to fight the curse anymore. No more pain or sorrow.... So many of the feelings and longings I flet while in Tennessee for a month have reminded me of the temperary nature of our lives here. Knoxville was fun at times and hard at times. This life on earth is that way. We have taste of good and evil. And one day we will be permanantly placed in a home of either good (with God) or evil (without God).
God made a beautiful perfect creation. He made it for His own glory and enjoyment. Then something we call sin entered the world. Sin and God cannot be completly togather so he cast out the sinners from their perfect home. Since 'the fall' the Earth has been cursed, desise, cancer, earthquakes are all a result of that curse. Pain in childbirth, desires to rule, and desires to be lazy are all part of that curse. I can't wait til I am freed, completely and eternally, from the curse. God gives me power to fight the curse and every time I do something right it's because God has freed me from sin and the Holy Spirit is aiding me to do right. Nothing I do in my own strength is right, it's all Christ in me and His power that allow me to do right.
Coming soon, Pride and God's goodness.
2.08.2011
Tennesssee
So we just moved to Tennessee, Knoxville to be more specific. We live west of the city and Ben works north of where we live. Knoxville seems a little small compared with Cincinnati, but it might just be more spread out. I guess I've grown to be a city girl. I do love Cincinnati!
Our apartment is nice, we have everything we need. When we first walked in it felt like a nice hotel, but I've come to realize that it is much nicer then a hotel. I've just grown so use to a house that moving in to an apartment is a little depressing. My allergies have been crazy since we moved and it's been warm (high 50s). I'm guessing that they've used lots of cleaning supplies and I am breathing them, it's even upset my taste. The chemicals will wear off some so I hope this allergy/cold will.
The kids have adjusted pretty well, the first day was a battle. Part of the problem was not having established play areas and rules in general. Josiah had to relearn 'don't come in the kitchen' and Naomi had to relearn, 'don't play with doors'. We've gotten a membership to Children's Museums and so we have a new place to explore and get out some energy during the winter coolness.
Naomi has stopped sucking her fingers so we've let her have nail polish on them again. She loves nail polish now! She even wants to watch when I paint my nails.
I got my hair chopped off. It's up to my shoulders and strangely I like it already. I think this is probably the best hair cut I've ever had. I do like longer styles most of the time, but my hair actually will stay flat with this style. Normally I can't do a medium length because my hair is so thick. Maybe I'll keep getting it cut to a medium length. I did spend $40 which is more then I normally spend, but since we are getting paid a bit extra I went ahead and went to a salon that had great reviews online.
I joined the choir at our local church. It's more formal than I'm used to but I love singing with them. The main reason I joined so quick was because they are singing my favorite choir piece at the end of the month. John Rutter's Requiem, we are singing it with UT's choir on Sunday Feb 20th at 6:00pm for anyone interested. I actually had never attended the church when I joined the choir, but it was fun to jump in so quick. Hey I'm only living here a month so if I don't jump in, I'll never really have lived here. The church is different then what I would normally seek because I very much agree with Grace Fellowship's distinctives, but the church is sound and a good diversifying experience. The body of Christ is diverse and I don't see anything wrong with some people preferring a church with every available ministry to a church who promotes just one ministry. I'll always prefer the focused church, but I have to admit I'm going to miss singing with the choir when we go back home. I'm singing alto for the first time and it's fun to make a full sound by not singing melody all the time.
Unfortunately we are not getting any tax benefits from living in Tennessee. We are actually getting taxed more! We are being paid from Ben's Cincinnati office and having taxes taken out there, but also having to pay higher taxes on purchases. Oh well they compensate us in other ways.
We'll be back in KY for the weekend to attend a Barnabas team meeting and to go to a check-up appointment. No update on Josiah, I've called the doctor's office and somehow they don't have the results yet.
2.01.2011
Post seizure lessons
Sometimes you learn things in one moment and sometimes you learn them over time and they are tested in one moment. For me this was a test. My theology has grown over the past 5-10 years tremendously. I've learned so so so so much head knowledge. I don't remember exactly but at least 10 Bible classes on top of churches, Sunday schools and small groups.
When I was in college there was one particular class that taught me to think through the Bible myself and I had to form opinions on things myself. I was in a personal evangelism class and my group was assigned the topic 'sin'. We had 10-12 questions to answer including 'what is the origin of sin' and 'is there an age of accountability'. The paper ended up being almost 20 pages. We split the questions up and I actually didn't answer 'is there an age of accountability' but that is when I started thinking about it. I had all this head knowledge of how bad sin was and how much we needed forgiveness. I was still self-righteous and didn't really know in my heart how utterly sinful my flesh is.
Fast forward to last year. I learned how sinful I was, I sinned in my mind, so much, one night riding home from small group. I'd asked Ben to stop to get something to drink because I was very thirsty. He said no and I wasn't satisfied with that. I've told this story in person and on my blog so I won't retell it. That night I saw how black and ugly my flesh was. I saw that given over to my flesh I sinned with almost every thought. That is when my self-righteousness was broken. Then I learned that I deserve hell, given over to my sinful nature I do deserve hell, BUT GOD... he saved me and has forgiven me. Next I thought through this issue of children who die before accepting Christ.
A friend has pondered this with me and shed some interesting light on the matter. My friend said that if she KNEW and were 100% confident that children who die before a certain (specific) age go to heaven, she said she would probably consider killing her children before they got to old to risk hell. This sounds harsh and sound cruel, but think about it... if you knew you could guarantee a spot for your children in heaven, why risk letting them make the choice? Since this is not the case we don't know with 100% certainty... then we are left with a factor that cannot be defined like my mathematical mind would prefer.
That conversation comforted me that the Bible didn't specifically address children's deaths. However I still didn't know what happens, because I'm not specifically told. I wanted some verses and I wanted some assurance that if my children died they would not be going to hell. Otherwise why have kids at all? If I had been left to plan when I had children on my own I would have waited until I was theologically satisfied. But God in his plan decided to bless me in the first months of marriage with a pregnancy. So I had Naomi and didn't know what would happen to her if she died.
So there I was at the hospital, holding Josiah after his seizure. We were going to start a CT scan to see if anything was wrong with his brain. That is when I thought 'what if he has a brain tumor or something fatal... what will happen to him?' I held him knowing it was decision time. Do I trust God? I knew in just a few moments I would loose the chance to be assured. I'd either be relieved and never know where I stood with God or have to rely on God for strength. Did I trust him with Josiah's life? Did I believe that he would be good and do right? I cried. I decided 'yes, I trust you, even with Josiah. He is yours and has been yours and I just have the privilege to raise him and love him. If you take him I will be full of greif, but I know You are good."
I opened my hands and stopped trying to hold on to Josiah's life and decided to trust God. Such fear and peace have never met in me before. I did fear loosing Josiah, but I chose to trust God and leave it in His almighty, powerful, loving hands. I am SO thankful God blessed me with Josiah and is continuing that blessing. My hands are open, I will not hold on to anything in this world. God is so good! Even when he test me He doesn't always make the worst happen. I've often though if I trust God, He'll take things away. What a wrong theology! God is good! I've been afraid to long of loosing things I love, but God has shown me that I fear for nothing. Not a single thing I've feared has happened yet. All that fear, for nothing. I will open my hands and trust God, even if bad things happen (which they will eventually) I have to trust Him. God is not mean, He doesn't often bring such hard trials and when they come they don't always end bad. Why fear? Why worry? Let tomorrow worry about itself. I am free from worry!
So today this is my song:
I lift my hands open wide, let the whole world sing
how you've loved, how you died, how you set me free!
Free at last I surrender all I am, with open hands
with open hands
When I was in college there was one particular class that taught me to think through the Bible myself and I had to form opinions on things myself. I was in a personal evangelism class and my group was assigned the topic 'sin'. We had 10-12 questions to answer including 'what is the origin of sin' and 'is there an age of accountability'. The paper ended up being almost 20 pages. We split the questions up and I actually didn't answer 'is there an age of accountability' but that is when I started thinking about it. I had all this head knowledge of how bad sin was and how much we needed forgiveness. I was still self-righteous and didn't really know in my heart how utterly sinful my flesh is.
Fast forward to last year. I learned how sinful I was, I sinned in my mind, so much, one night riding home from small group. I'd asked Ben to stop to get something to drink because I was very thirsty. He said no and I wasn't satisfied with that. I've told this story in person and on my blog so I won't retell it. That night I saw how black and ugly my flesh was. I saw that given over to my flesh I sinned with almost every thought. That is when my self-righteousness was broken. Then I learned that I deserve hell, given over to my sinful nature I do deserve hell, BUT GOD... he saved me and has forgiven me. Next I thought through this issue of children who die before accepting Christ.
A friend has pondered this with me and shed some interesting light on the matter. My friend said that if she KNEW and were 100% confident that children who die before a certain (specific) age go to heaven, she said she would probably consider killing her children before they got to old to risk hell. This sounds harsh and sound cruel, but think about it... if you knew you could guarantee a spot for your children in heaven, why risk letting them make the choice? Since this is not the case we don't know with 100% certainty... then we are left with a factor that cannot be defined like my mathematical mind would prefer.
That conversation comforted me that the Bible didn't specifically address children's deaths. However I still didn't know what happens, because I'm not specifically told. I wanted some verses and I wanted some assurance that if my children died they would not be going to hell. Otherwise why have kids at all? If I had been left to plan when I had children on my own I would have waited until I was theologically satisfied. But God in his plan decided to bless me in the first months of marriage with a pregnancy. So I had Naomi and didn't know what would happen to her if she died.
So there I was at the hospital, holding Josiah after his seizure. We were going to start a CT scan to see if anything was wrong with his brain. That is when I thought 'what if he has a brain tumor or something fatal... what will happen to him?' I held him knowing it was decision time. Do I trust God? I knew in just a few moments I would loose the chance to be assured. I'd either be relieved and never know where I stood with God or have to rely on God for strength. Did I trust him with Josiah's life? Did I believe that he would be good and do right? I cried. I decided 'yes, I trust you, even with Josiah. He is yours and has been yours and I just have the privilege to raise him and love him. If you take him I will be full of greif, but I know You are good."
I opened my hands and stopped trying to hold on to Josiah's life and decided to trust God. Such fear and peace have never met in me before. I did fear loosing Josiah, but I chose to trust God and leave it in His almighty, powerful, loving hands. I am SO thankful God blessed me with Josiah and is continuing that blessing. My hands are open, I will not hold on to anything in this world. God is so good! Even when he test me He doesn't always make the worst happen. I've often though if I trust God, He'll take things away. What a wrong theology! God is good! I've been afraid to long of loosing things I love, but God has shown me that I fear for nothing. Not a single thing I've feared has happened yet. All that fear, for nothing. I will open my hands and trust God, even if bad things happen (which they will eventually) I have to trust Him. God is not mean, He doesn't often bring such hard trials and when they come they don't always end bad. Why fear? Why worry? Let tomorrow worry about itself. I am free from worry!
So today this is my song:
I lift my hands open wide, let the whole world sing
how you've loved, how you died, how you set me free!
Free at last I surrender all I am, with open hands
with open hands
1.26.2011
Narrative: The most frightening moment of my life (so far)
It was Thursday morning. Josiah had been sick for two days and I was feeling it. I was also feeling a little nauseous and tired myself. The kids both were extra tired and allowed us all to sleep in until 9am. I got up, went in the kids room, and picked up my boy to wake him slowly. Treasuring the moment as he leaned, hugged, and lay on me; he's so cuddly and sickness makes him more so. His fever had been 102.4 on Wednesday. Next I felt his forehead and was quite relieved, his temperature was down almost to normal. He felt a little warm, but sleeping does that to you sometimes.
I ate half a bagel and half regretted it because I felt bad. I knew this would be the hardest day of caring for the kids. I was so tired I took Josiah in my room to lay down with him and read to him. I called Ben to tell him I wasn't feeling good and also just to have company for a few minutes to rally my strength to get through the day... I ask him what time he got in and reminded him that he should probably take a few hours vacation to miss the big snow. We've decided that to come home a hour or two early beats driving an extra hour or two in traffic hands down.
I didn't even take the kids downstairs because neither of them were very hungry. I brought some gatorade up for Josiah and then refilled it with juice and brought Naomi some also. I fed Naomi some cheerios I think, but didn't want to upset Josiah's stomach so I just gave him lots to drink.
It was only 10:30 or so and I decided a bath would do me more good then laying around. It would be relaxing and get me clean. I put both kids in their room for play time. Josiah didn't want to but that was to be expected since he'd been spoiled during his sickness. I don't know how long I was in there - I really had no concept of time that day because I slept in and had no normal routine that week. I got out of the bath and got half dressed to go to check on the kids.
During my bath I heard them talking with each other and occasionally griping about something. I don't know how much chatter was Naomi talking by herself so I have no idea how long it had been since I'd heard from Josiah.
I walked by their room and saw Josiah laying on the floor. I thought, "Poor guy he must still be feeling bad." He looked strange, his head was turned to one side and his eyes were over that way to. I said something like "hey buddy, you ok?" because I wanted to see his eyes move. That's when he started shaking. In a way the shaking was better then not moving - I would have thought he was dead if he hadn't responded. I rushed in and scooped him up to bring him in my room. I looked for my phone - where was it when I needed it most? Immediately I called 911 with urgency. I could handle a seizure if someone was on the way. I kept thinking how long had he been laying there?
I rushed out all the information I could on the phone... I guess I thought someone would get here quicker if I spoke quickly.
"My son is having a seizure, he's only 17 months old.
I live at 1 4 3 Center Street in Bellevue
He's shaking"
"What's your name?" she asked
"Michelle Sprague S P R A G U E, my son is Josiah J O S I A H.
His lips are purple, I think he's choking"
"Do you know CPR?" she asked
"Yes, well sort of, it's been a while
I'm going to breath for him, he's not getting good breaths"
Then the moment... His seizure ended it once rigid body went limp and he fell over. I was holding him and I felt his life stop. That moment... it will never leave me. I had been sort of calm until now.
"He stopped!
He's not breathing!
His lips are blue
Josiah!"
I breath for him a few times and watched his chest rise with my breaths. Then I paused and waited... he breathed again. Relief rushed over me.
"He's breathing again. He's not moving, I think he's unconscious, but he's breathing."
"Ma'am, help is on the way, I'm going to stay on the phone with you until they arrive"
"Ok"
I had prayed with every thought the whole time and now my mind was saying: Oh God thank you, oh God thank you! Over and over again. I told the operator I was going to go downstairs with him and unlock the door for whenever help arrived. I quickly picked up the first set of real clothes I saw and changed then went down with him, Naomi trailing. Naomi hovered over him patted his belly and said "everything is going to be ok mom" "Josiah you're ok buddy" and other comforting things.
Some firemen arrived took his vitals, he was still dosing in and out of consciousness. They came in, I retold what had occurred and they told me we'd be going to the hospital. My neighbor had come in when she saw firetrucks and ambulances parked outside. I told her Josiah had had a seizure and she offered to watch Naomi. I had put his coat on him and had Naomi get hers on and her boots. I wrapped Josiah in a blanket and took him into the ambulance.
I repeated everything I could remember, probably in too much detail, to the ambulance woman, two doctors and a nurse. I held him for hours only letting go when told to. Ben arrived, we had a CT done and after hours of being at children's were released.
This concludes the narrative portion.
Now we have a EEG scheduled because they weren't conclusive with the type of seizure Josiah had. We will find out Thursday if he has epilepsy or if this was a non repeating seizure. I'll write another post of the results and upcoming changes in our lives when things are more certain and times nailed down. Just a heads up, we'll be moving for a few weeks and hopefully not more than that.
I ate half a bagel and half regretted it because I felt bad. I knew this would be the hardest day of caring for the kids. I was so tired I took Josiah in my room to lay down with him and read to him. I called Ben to tell him I wasn't feeling good and also just to have company for a few minutes to rally my strength to get through the day... I ask him what time he got in and reminded him that he should probably take a few hours vacation to miss the big snow. We've decided that to come home a hour or two early beats driving an extra hour or two in traffic hands down.
I didn't even take the kids downstairs because neither of them were very hungry. I brought some gatorade up for Josiah and then refilled it with juice and brought Naomi some also. I fed Naomi some cheerios I think, but didn't want to upset Josiah's stomach so I just gave him lots to drink.
It was only 10:30 or so and I decided a bath would do me more good then laying around. It would be relaxing and get me clean. I put both kids in their room for play time. Josiah didn't want to but that was to be expected since he'd been spoiled during his sickness. I don't know how long I was in there - I really had no concept of time that day because I slept in and had no normal routine that week. I got out of the bath and got half dressed to go to check on the kids.
During my bath I heard them talking with each other and occasionally griping about something. I don't know how much chatter was Naomi talking by herself so I have no idea how long it had been since I'd heard from Josiah.
I walked by their room and saw Josiah laying on the floor. I thought, "Poor guy he must still be feeling bad." He looked strange, his head was turned to one side and his eyes were over that way to. I said something like "hey buddy, you ok?" because I wanted to see his eyes move. That's when he started shaking. In a way the shaking was better then not moving - I would have thought he was dead if he hadn't responded. I rushed in and scooped him up to bring him in my room. I looked for my phone - where was it when I needed it most? Immediately I called 911 with urgency. I could handle a seizure if someone was on the way. I kept thinking how long had he been laying there?
I rushed out all the information I could on the phone... I guess I thought someone would get here quicker if I spoke quickly.
"My son is having a seizure, he's only 17 months old.
I live at 1 4 3 Center Street in Bellevue
He's shaking"
"What's your name?" she asked
"Michelle Sprague S P R A G U E, my son is Josiah J O S I A H.
His lips are purple, I think he's choking"
"Do you know CPR?" she asked
"Yes, well sort of, it's been a while
I'm going to breath for him, he's not getting good breaths"
Then the moment... His seizure ended it once rigid body went limp and he fell over. I was holding him and I felt his life stop. That moment... it will never leave me. I had been sort of calm until now.
"He stopped!
He's not breathing!
His lips are blue
Josiah!"
I breath for him a few times and watched his chest rise with my breaths. Then I paused and waited... he breathed again. Relief rushed over me.
"He's breathing again. He's not moving, I think he's unconscious, but he's breathing."
"Ma'am, help is on the way, I'm going to stay on the phone with you until they arrive"
"Ok"
I had prayed with every thought the whole time and now my mind was saying: Oh God thank you, oh God thank you! Over and over again. I told the operator I was going to go downstairs with him and unlock the door for whenever help arrived. I quickly picked up the first set of real clothes I saw and changed then went down with him, Naomi trailing. Naomi hovered over him patted his belly and said "everything is going to be ok mom" "Josiah you're ok buddy" and other comforting things.
Some firemen arrived took his vitals, he was still dosing in and out of consciousness. They came in, I retold what had occurred and they told me we'd be going to the hospital. My neighbor had come in when she saw firetrucks and ambulances parked outside. I told her Josiah had had a seizure and she offered to watch Naomi. I had put his coat on him and had Naomi get hers on and her boots. I wrapped Josiah in a blanket and took him into the ambulance.
I repeated everything I could remember, probably in too much detail, to the ambulance woman, two doctors and a nurse. I held him for hours only letting go when told to. Ben arrived, we had a CT done and after hours of being at children's were released.
This concludes the narrative portion.
Now we have a EEG scheduled because they weren't conclusive with the type of seizure Josiah had. We will find out Thursday if he has epilepsy or if this was a non repeating seizure. I'll write another post of the results and upcoming changes in our lives when things are more certain and times nailed down. Just a heads up, we'll be moving for a few weeks and hopefully not more than that.
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